Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
