Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
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Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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