wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
