Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
