the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
