people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
is it fun? or sober?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
