I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
