two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
