he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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