she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
