1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
