And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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