i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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