bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
