Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
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Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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