Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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