matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
