Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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