Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
