Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
