we have pet lesbian snakes
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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