I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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