Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
