She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
