My friends, they love my intelligence
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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