Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
