YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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