If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
