I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
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i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
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Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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