suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
