he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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