last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
