capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
