So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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