Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
