what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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