I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The uberlube is also flammable
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
false alarm, still single
Randomize
