what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
