my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
