Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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