My hand turned me down
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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