they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
