Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
