all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he thought i was a dude.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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