Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Small penises have feelings too.
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even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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