no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
