I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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