I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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