So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
