If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
