i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
