I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
