Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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