Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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