There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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