YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Come see our sink grown plant.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
