I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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