She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
