if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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