i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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