he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
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If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
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How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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