Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
