bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
