that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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