i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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