The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
