yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
