please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
