McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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