I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
