Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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