Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
