Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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