was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
