If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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