yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
