Can i not drive my cunt home
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
