Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
