I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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